I’m feeling optimistic. Watching Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders on New Hampshire’s national stage, I saw two smart, thoughtful people engaging in a substantive debate. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t miss the bumper sticker politics moments, the repetition of Bernie’s few (but resonant) campaign slogans and Hillary’s (somewhat tired)”I’m a liberal who likes to get things done” refrain. But at the base of it all was a refreshing moment of agreement. They both effectively said: this is who I am, this is who my opponent is, and you have a choice to make. They were speaking to a similar audience, and they seemed to speak largely the truth (to the best of their considerable abilities). They showed each other, and the democratic process, respect.

What makes me truly optimistic about this debate is the social backdrop. In the past few weeks I’ve enjoyed engaging and enlightening conversations about this choice in the Democratic primary. In the same week I argued for Hillary to one friend and for Bernie to another. The truth of the matter is that I have an admiration for (and a few reservations about) each of them (and, I admit, part of me is just a contrarian). Yesterday I saw an activist Bernie supporter earnestly post a query on Facebook asking people why they supported Hillary. He said he knew too many smart people supporting her to fully believe his own negative thoughts about her. And his friends answered. Some said they #feltthebern but respected this or that aspect of Hillary, and some were true Clinton supporters who wanted to show him why they felt the way they do.

I’m excited because this is the point of democracy. It’s an almost universally accepted truism that there’s no point in talking politics socially because you’re either agreeing with each other over and over, or you’re just shouting opposing things at someone who won’t ever change their mind. That idea, if true, would be deeply depressing for the fate of a democratic society. This Democratic primary is starting to prove it wrong.

The conversations I’m having and witnessing show that this Democratic primary is inspiring real dialogue about how to bring about positive change in America. Does real progress come from a president who knows how to work the system, or does it come from a president who thinks they can change the system? People who have very similar ideals are debating the best way to move us closer to them. And that’s progress in and of itself. Our dialogue is progress.

Now, I’m realistic about what the general election will look and sound like. There will be much less mutual respect among the candidates and their supporters. I’ll be frustrated by it, and most of you will be frustrated by it too. I’d love to see a general election where candidates admitted when they agreed with each other and refused to bite on juicy but empty scandals. 2016 will not be that election.

That said, the fact that a tightly contested primary like this can be handled with such grace gives me optimism about the potential for such a general election to exist. It starts with the conversations we all have with each other. The people who disagree with you have their reasons. Listen to them. Engage with them. Thank them for their thoughts. This isn’t easy, and no one does it all the time. But give it a shot. And I’m not just talking about your friends voting against your favorite in the primary. I’m also talking about your friends voting in a different primary.

Let’s depolarize. Let’s see if we can bring civility in politics back to a place of normalcy, using this debate as an example.