On November 9th, 2016, people woke up across America and wondered how they could go to work when it felt like the world had ended sometime between when they fell asleep watching Pennsylvania change from red to blue to red again, and when they woke up to see the headlines they used to believe would never leave the genre of satire. Many of us cried. For the next two years, we would have a president who ran a campaign based on anger, fear, and bigotry, with his party a majority in each branch of government.* I won’t list the many ways this threatens things we care about. I don’t need to.

It’s the grief that I want to talk about. So many are experiencing this sense of despair, this feeling that the world is crumbling, and this fear that the worst will happen. Or maybe it already has happened. Maybe hate trumped love. We’re shocked, scared, and overwhelmed. We knew racism, sexism, and xenophobia were present amongst us, but many of us didn’t believe they would win. Many of us now believe they did win.

I don’t. I believe that victory depends on how you frame the story. If the story begins and ends with this election, then we lost. But our story is more than that. Our story is the mark we leave on the world, and that mark won’t be defined by a Supreme Court Justice or a two-year Senate and House majority, nor will it be defined by a four-year president.

Today, we see America for what it is. We see that many people, almost half of American voters, are angry, scared for the continuation of their way of life, and forgiving (or encouraging) of bigotry, misogyny, and sexual assault. We also see that many people, almost half of American voters, vehemently reject these things. Almost half of American voters hoped to be celebrating our first female president, excited about the most progressive platform ever adopted by the Democratic party. But today, that half is grieving**.

I am not going to tell you how to handle that grief. The emotional toll of this election will be great, and it will be personal. Especially for those who were openly attacked by the man that sixty million Americans voted for. On grief, I will only tell you to care for yourself, and to to respect your feelings. Allow yourself to feel hurt when you need to. But remember that this too shall pass. Know that there will be a day when you no longer feel that this weighs so heavily that you can’t think about it without coming to despair.

And on that day, if not before, join those who have already started the work of refusing to accept the America that won on November 8th, 2016. Join the daily work of making the world a better place.

If you are despondent that Planned Parenthood may lose funding, or that women’s rights are threatened, support the thousands of organizations working against domestic violence and promoting sexual health. If “immigration reform” becomes a euphemism for mass deportation, engage in efforts to protect the human rights of those who are threatened. If Islamaphobia becomes a matter of national policy, be one of the many voices preaching unity and peace. In short, act.

Grieve while you need to. But know that the next four years will be filled with the love we create. Act by caring for those around you, by rejecting bigotry in the spaces you occupy, and by stepping up when the moment is right.

Collectively we can make the choice that love will trump hate. Collectively we will make that choice. In moments of action, whether large or small, we choose who our leaders are. And Trump’s presence in the Oval Office will not make him my leader. Yes, he will be my president. But today, he has only inspired me to act against the hate he represents. He is not our leader, he is our challenge. And by the time our story is told, we will have created a better world by meeting that challenge.

*Yes, we’ll have Trump for four years. But let’s not let him have the House and Senate majorities any longer than that. I encourage you emphasize the two year implications when you talk about this. I hope it will remind people to vote in the midterm elections when it will be most important.

**I say almost half because of third-party votes. Neither Trump nor Hillary won more than 50% of the votes for president, and Hillary did get more actual votes than Trump.